When The Storm Comes, Better Keep Quiet
When the storm arrives, all the elements of nature collide with each other showing us their most aggressive, the most chaotic and, at times, even the most dangerous side.
The same happens with human relationships. We also clash and collide emotionally in our discussions.
When the storm arrives, everything seems to resurface: exhaustion, anger, misunderstandings. Many of us lose patience to the point of saying things that we later regret.
It is not always easy to keep a cold head and a warm heart. But sometimes a moment of storm leads to years of repentance. We learn to stay calm.
When the storm comes in our hearts
It is very common to justify oneself by saying “he broke my heart” or “my heart was full of anger”. However, it is the brain who really feels the pain and the anger, and it is the brain that sets the storm.
Let’s see it in detail.
The discussions and physiological changes
When there is no other remedy, when chance, the trigger and bad luck catapult us into the middle of an argument, the first thing our brain feels is a “threat”.
- What we believe, our balance, our truth is attacked.
- We feel offended because someone we respect questions something that is important to us.
- We feel threatened by words, ideas and a face that suddenly looks at us with contempt.
The brain interprets these situations as dangerous and, therefore, triggers an instinctive reaction that regulates the parasympathetic system. It prepares us to defend ourselves and also to escape:
- Accelerate the heart rate.
- Nerve impulses are sent to the muscles to prepare for movement, although what causes it first is a tremor, the same that we feel in the hands, stomach and legs.
- We experience general agitation, dry mouth and an almost gripping nervousness that prevents us from thinking clearly.
During the “storm”, the brain cannot think
During discussions, in these moments of high emotional load that usually arise from misunderstandings or misunderstandings, the brain thinks only of defending itself and activating the body for a possible flight reaction.
He is therefore unable to think calmly and to resort to sense.
- In the midst of the discussion it is possible that our defense mechanisms fall. There is no longer any filter that prevents us from saying what is on our mind.
- Sometimes, during these emotional storms, we give vent to all the feelings and thoughts we have in mind.
We are completely sincere and, therefore, we express everything we feel, even if it is full of negativity. This is why it is common to use angry words that we later regret.
So while it’s possible that at first we may feel relieved after saying what we feel, over time we realize that it wasn’t the right thing to do.
When the storm comes it is best to keep quiet and talk when you are calmer
This is a difficult strategy to put into practice. However, staying silent during the storm to reserve your energies for moments of greater mental tranquility will always be the right thing.
To do this, we can use the following techniques.
The defensive wall
When a misunderstanding arises and, almost without being able to control yourself, you find yourself involved in an argument, try to visualize a defensive wall in your mind.
- Behind this wall, you are in a building made of calm, but it is a building that has windows from which you can see and, of course, hear.
- Being in this quiet and protected space must allow you to listen to every word of the person in front of you and then be able to analyze his point of view in depth.
- While the other person “becomes inflamed” by defending his point of view, we can assume a position of indifference, of calm. Attitude is one in which you are receptive, but you don’t want to give importance to shouting or negative emotions.
Assertiveness
When the discussion ends and hours or days have passed, we will choose a good time to talk to the person in question. It must be made clear that we do not want more misunderstandings or moments of tension.
- Believe it or not, speaking calmly but firmly silences the other person.
- Only then will we have to argue our position with equilibrium and assertiveness, demonstrating at all times that we understand his point of view, but that we do not share it.
- In these cases, resort to the use of personal pronouns: “I feel”, “I want”, “I understand you”.
- If you perceive that the other person continues to insist with the shouts, to see only the elements of conflict without understanding your point of view so as to take the discussion to the extreme, depriving it of the sense and of the basic arguments, then it is not valid. it is worth continuing this type of confrontation.
It is better to put the distances. Because, actually, it is not worth having a bad time and engaging in an argument, when the will to understand each other is lacking.
