Knowing How To Listen: The Importance Of Refined Art
Knowing how to listen is not as easy as it may seem: sometimes you think it is enough to listen and pay attention.
Nothing further from reality. Let’s consider some situations: imagine two friends chatting and one tells the other that she had an argument with her mother.
The first is worried, but as soon as she finishes speaking, the second takes the opportunity to tell her a similar personal experience.
The question is, was he really listening to her? Obviously the answer is “no”, because she used her friend’s concerns to introduce her own problem, thus moving from listening to being listened to.
The truth is that he didn’t know how to listen at all.
Mistakes made when listening to others
We are sure that right now you are wondering if you are really capable of listening to others, even if you thought you were.
For this reason, it is important to mention the most common mistakes people make when listening to someone.
- The first starts from the example we have already done: a friend tells you an experience that worries her and in the end take the opportunity to talk about yourself.
- The second case, perhaps the most drastic, is to quickly change the subject: your friend is telling you about the discussion she had with her mother and your answer will be: “By the way, how did you go at work yesterday”?
- In the third case, try to play down by saying phrases such as “Don’t worry!”, “This is nonsense!”, “Everything will work out!”, Etc.
- The fourth mistake is to tell others what to do, giving advice and solutions that can be completed or not.
As you have noticed, there are cases in which one has not been able to listen to the other, taking advantage only of what he says to talk about himself.
Circumventing the concerns of others
All of these episodes may make you feel selfish, believing you can listen when you really just want to talk about yourself.
The truth is that listening requires attention, knowing how to satisfy the concerns of the person in front of you without intervening with personal problems.
Remember that you are drawing attention to yourself even as you tell the other how he should behave, because you are exposing your way of seeing things.
You can certainly give your point of view, but never say how to act or speak, because you are not the one who is in that situation.
Somehow, you want to bring out your ego, and that happens right when you aren’t listening. While it’s hard to accept, sadly you are bypassing the concerns of others.
Learn to know how to listen
Now that you know the mistakes you often fall into when you think you are listening to someone, it is important to relearn how to listen.
To do this, it is essential to pay attention to what we tell you below:
- Never give solutions . As we have already told you, it is not good to tell others how they should behave. The only thing you can do is ask questions that invite the other person to think and make a decision.
- Learn more about the topic . If you are really listening, ask questions that show your interest in the other person and what they are telling you. Questions such as “What do you think?” or “How do you plan to behave?” they are just simple examples of how you can interact.
- Avoid talking about yourself . Focus only on the person in front of you, in what they are saying and avoid talking about yourself, unless you are explicitly asked to tell a similar personal experience of yours.
- Don’t play it down. While it may seem trivial to you, the person talking to you has a real problem that they are seriously concerned about. So try not to underestimate it by minimizing it.
Now you know how to really listen to someone by putting yourself aside for a moment and focusing only on what the other person is telling you .
You have to get rid of the idea from your mind that listening is a passive action because it is actually very active. It is important to learn how to do it right.
