Non-violent Communication: Useful Tips
Not everyone is able to express themselves in the most appropriate way and this ability could even change based on the context and the people with whom we interface. What makes us compassionate in some cases and more aggressive and violent in others? Psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg suggests the elements necessary for non-violent communication.
Also known as empathic communication, it is not based on comparisons, insults or negative elements when conveying a message, but on the opposite: positive feelings, assertiveness, respect and compassion.
Very often we are not able to identify the signs of incorrect communication, that is negative and destructive criticism, denial and lack of reflection on what has been said. These provoke quarrels, tension, aggression and being on the defensive.
To avoid this, today we present some tips to recognize these signals and how to fight them to ensure non-violent communication.
What is meant by non-violent communication?
Marshall B. Rosenberg was the founder and director of the United States Center for Nonviolent Communication. He focused on new forms of communication in order to propose peaceful alternatives to violence and aggression in interpersonal relationships.
In his research study Nonviolent Communication he summarizes the four main elements of nonviolent communication (NVC):
- Observe without judging.
- Recognize and express your feelings.
- Take responsibility for your feelings.
- Making requests that you are aware of in order to enrich your life.
It also points out the importance of connecting with our personal needs and those of others. In this sense, empathy is also a fundamental aspect. In the absence of this quality, we will be very unlikely to be able to share information effectively.
Based on some of his research, Rosenberg speaks of moralistic judgments which, in his personal opinion, “represent a wrong attitude on the part of those who do not act according to our values”.
Good manners for non-violent communication
It is not always possible to live in a meditative mode or to feel in harmony with the world, in fact on some points one must be categorical. This group includes good manners, a fundamental pillar on which relations with others must be based.
The use of gentle tones and expressions is fundamental in the construction of reality. We should, in fact, fight the widespread belief that a well-aimed slap is educational, so that violence is sometimes the only solution.
Rather, efforts should be made to combat the use of violence in institutions, companies and private life as a tool for relating to others.
Tips for non-violent communication
To be able to communicate better, one must avoid falling into the temptation to make comparisons which, as well as being unfair, are above all wrong.
Getting rid of prejudices is also important, as are expectations and personal assessments. It is certainly not easy, but if we succeed, we will be able to express ourselves without hurting or offending our interlocutors.
In addition to this, taking responsibility for one’s state of mind, without punishing oneself for no reason, is another fundamental step to take. We often blame others for what happens to us or how we feel, but we choose how to react to the words spoken and what attitude to adopt.
Empathy in communication
Another fundamental element is empathy : putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and observing the world from his point of view. This will make it much easier for us to understand his answers and adopt his point of view. And the same goes for assertiveness, i.e. respecting and enforcing ourselves.
Conclusions
Putting non-violent communication into practice is not easy, as we have consolidated unhealthy forms of communication. The important thing is to become aware of the way we communicate and reflect on what aspects we want to change. With time and patience we will be able to do it.
